2nd Annual Backyard Trivia

Sweet Jesus.

Backyard trivia is fun, but someone needs to cut me off. Otherwise, I end up trying to throw umbrellas over power lines at 4 AM with some dudes and the alcoholic wannabe cougar across the street.

The trivia night itself was pretty fun. Only Paul showed up to defend the original Champagne of Trivia's title. I guess Dan is a pussy.

Congratulations to The Rabbits, also known as Standard Trivia, also known as many incantations of "This Guy is a Fine-Arts Pussy", who took home the title, narrowly defeating Mr. Wright's Nipples. Big ups to the teacher team of Miss Piggy's Taint Blister who arguably could have won, since Chris/Wolverine actually gave away answers as he read questions, and they would have had a real edge in the English teacher category had Chris not leveled the playing field. Sorry, guys, you have to play the lie. Categories included The Office, Inconsequential People, The Environment, Mr. Oliver's 10th Grade English, Finish the movie quote, Schlafly beer tasting, 80's Sitcom Theme Songs, 90's Rap, Nintendo Music, and Stoner Trivia.

Trivia was all fine and good, but we went ahead and got that there second keg, not a great idea, since half of it is still sitting in my backyard. The great part of the night was the fact that all the Epiphany hoosiers in my hood came out for the festivities. And when I say all, I don't mean the fairly normal neighbors on one side, who were hosting a 8th grade pool party but didn't have a problem with me saying "motherfucker" in a microphone approximately 24 times, and not the new neighbors, who, I'm sure, were cowering aghast watching the apocalypse happening in our backyard. No, I'm talking about the drunk lady across the street, who, while we were moving in, embraced us and said, "I'm sure going to miss you." She and her cousin? sister? some other cougar, were at one point engaged in a vehement discussion about how she shouldn't be in trouble if her son doesn't go to school (her son? just got home from juvy a month or so ago) and the cops were coming after her because her son was a delinquent. Well, yeah, keep countin' the days until Dirty Andy's 18th, lady. She then attracted a slew of people, including the guy two doors down who seemed okay, but three other people that I had no idea as to their identities. One got into with the neighbor because he once slashed her tires a while back. The other one, I swear to God, was Tim Blake Nelson's character in O Brother Where Art Thou, and I can't even remember specifics other than he seemed to have teleported here from deep in the Ozarks, maybe even Arkansas. The third, I don't even know. So that was just pure unintentional comedy throughout the night.

At four or so, when the last of the dudes + Stunner left, Chris had to kick the aspiring trashy cougar out even though she really wanted to clean our backyard, and then the guy next door warned Chris over the fence to stay away from her. Woke up the next morning to clean and almost puked. Seriously, I laid on the couch all day and watched Sex and the City reruns like I was back in college. All day. Like a crazy person in the same clothes and shit. At one point I couldn't find my laptop, so I started freaking out, sure that one of the unknown sketchy characters walked off with it. After about a half hour of that, my sister-in-law Beth came over to get her phone. I started to tell her about my computer, and she said, "You idiot. I told you I hid it last night so the hoosiers wouldn't steal it. I gave you a note and everything." I had no note and no recollection. Later, her husband, John, claims that I even read the note out loud and thanked Beth for her candor, but I don't remember and I'm just glad that Beth is sneaky-smart about this type of shit.

I encourage those of you who were there, particularly into the wee hours, to contribute your interpretation of the night's events. I think we all have some gaps in memory that could be filled in.