Big Sigh

What follows is a much-needed rant. If you have no interest in my selfish emotions, don't keep reading.

I can't be around kids any more.

I spent all day traipsing around the city on a field trip with kids, who were undoubtedly cool kids, but students all the same. I got back, changed into soccer clothes, rode the bus for 45 minutes to Hillsboro while finishing a book I had to read for Green Options, won a game but had to deal with stupid drama of KIDS, rode the bus back, drove home, talked to Chris for a minute, then finished reading the book, wrote a review, and posted it all in time to watch Lost, only to watch that and then collapse in bed. I woke up feeling the shitty coming of a cold, still exhausted, facing a full day including school, soccer pictures, soccer practice, then modeling in a school fashion show. Guess which one I had to gracefully bow out of when I got to school this morning?

I love 90% my students 90% of the time. I really do. But there are those days when I just can't deal with the aftermath of a kid skipping class, or calling another kid "faggot" in the hallway, or punching each other and screaming down the hallway, or flaking out on a commitment that I have to pick up slack for. Kids are kids are kids, and normally I can deal with their lack of frontal-lobe development. That's 95% of the time. Maybe even higher. But once or twice a semester, I just can't deal. I can't deal with the neediness, the drama, the little shit that doesn't matter, the baggage that comes with being a teacher. The ever-growing to-do list. The shit that you have to take home.

I can see how a large percentage of teachers leave within the first three years.

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